And Also Love
by the Black Rose
Summary: Infinite Ryvius. Blue x Juli. 'They sent me to boarding school after boarding school. Anything to keep me out of the way.' Blue's eyes flashed. 'You don't need people like that. And I don't need anyone.'
1. Stay with Me

**And Also Love**

By the Black Rose

AN: I'm a Gundam Wing fanfic author. I have also written for and been active in Fruits Basket and Full Metal Panic! fandoms. I still consider myself a GW fanfic author and have always said that if I ever stop writing GW fanfiction, it would be because I'm not writing fanfiction at all.

That said, this is my foray into Infinite Ryvius: Blue x Juli fanfiction. Thank you so much for reading. Rose

**_Chapter 1 - Stay with Me_**

_The colors have returned! _

_All the grey, painful days when those with no color worked to put the Ryvius back together have gone. My body feels completely new! _

_Brilliant splashes of amazing colors. It makes me so happy. _

_I want to live!_

_I'm so glad to be alive. _

The bridge was just the same as it was when the Zwei had first boarded it, all those months ago. Some of it, Juli knew, had to be new equipment, and panels made with new metal. The scoured surface of the entire bridge seemed to shine like brushed silver. And all the damage from the last time she had been on board looked like it had just been erased; a film rewound back to the beginning.

But this wasn't the same beginning. This was a new one. A new one for all mankind.

"We're on course for the Uranus region. At current estimates, we should be there in eleven weeks and five days." Eric's voice carried over the hum of the bridge navigational equipment.

Juli took her same seat on the top level of the bridge, just to the left of Blue's-- To the left of the captain's chair, in the lower center of the room. The other Zwei members were all here: Carabona, Eins, Chick, Kevin, Brian, Lucson, Creis, Ran, and Stein. _They all agreed to come back. Except for Gran, but…. Well, I can hardly blame him._

"Very good." Lucson's voice boomed. He still had on the white overalls of his janitorial outfit, with the white kerchief over his dark hair, but managed to assume his rather comical 'captain's stance' with both fists on his hips.

Juli shook her head.

"Now in order to get this journey started off on the right foot…"

_"You're a good leader, Juli. You just need to practice your captain's stance," Lucson, the Zwei training captain said. His enthusiasm reminded her of her high school class president at a pep rally._

_"Captain's stance?" _

_Lucson nodded; he stared right in her eyes as if the instructions that would follow were very, very serious. "If you look confident when giving orders, people will obey you." He balled his hands into fists and firmly planted them on his hips. He effected a pose with his shoulders back and his chin tilted up. " I'm sure you've noticed how dynamic mine is." He looked at Juli and smiled a toothy grin. That's why I'm the chosen leader of the Zwei."_

Juli couldn't help but chuckle at the memory. _Poor Lucson.__ He really does mean well. _

"…we should take this time to decide on shifts." She caught the tail end of Lucson's speech.

"Wow." Carabona's voice was heard for the first time. Her blond head bobbed excitedly when she spoke. "It'll be quite a change to work shifts and actually sleep."

Brian nodded, his eyes sparkled above the bandage he wore on one cheek. "The rooms this time are all like officers quarters."

Juli glanced back down at the screen. _Everything's checked out. And everyone seems to be in good spirits. Not at all like last time. _She looked up from the monitor in time to catch Lucson's gaze.

"Juli, since you're now second in command, you or I need to be on the bridge at all times."

She nodded. "I agree."

"Good. The rest of the crew, you guys can take turns. We should never have less than three people on the bridge."

"We should draw up a standard rotation. I don't think we should plan to have minimum staff here all the time." Juli looked away from Lucson and glanced around the bridge. _Strange how it feels more like home than Earth did. _"I think the minimum should be reserved for special occasions, like the party this evening. The rest of the time, we should have a full crew whenever possible."

A small chorus of voices said: "Agreed."

"Yes ma'am." Eins was just a second behind the rest.

"You're right as usual Juli." Lucson stepped forward and actually dropped his pose. "Everyone report to Stein and he'll arrange a detailed schedule."

"It would be my honor, sir," Stein spoke up. His logical contribution always sounded deep and even. Almost soothing - the way a metronome's constant metallic click could be soothing, or irritatingly mechanical.

_"I'm still glad he's here. I'm glad everyone's here."_

"What time does the party start?" Kevin asked.

Brian piped up. "Are you going Juli?"

_"There's only one person missing…"_ Juli let out a small sigh.

"As acting captain, I should be there. I'm sorry, Juli, but--"

Stein's voice cut Lucson off. "I have no plans to attend while the Ryvius is still computing its course. I can man the bridge so that both you and Juli can go to the party."

_"I couldn't help but hope he might have come."_

"Thank you, Stein," the Zwei captain said.

Juli turned her chair around and met Stein's dark brown eyes. She nodded. "Yes. Thank you."

_"I've missed you. Airs Blue."_

* * *

Eight months of wanting to be away from that ship, if anyone had told him that he'd voluntarily return a year later, Airs Blue would have broken that person's skull. But here he was, strolling along the shadowy area of one of the back hallways of the Ryvius - his new and permanent home.

_I have no home._

Blue shoved both hands into his pockets and continued walking. _That stupid garbage about saving humanity…. _

"It's not worth saving."

_The dark-haired suit-wearing hypocrite from the Orbital Security Council put the tips of his fingers together in front of his face - almost as if he was praying._

_"You want me to go back to that ship so I can help you save mankind?" _

_Light reflected off the man's spectacles as the sun came out from behind the clouds and poured into Blue's hotel room. "Yes." _

_Airs stood up from his chair. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned over the table. "You're lucky I don't have a gun, or I'd shoot you in a vital part of your body and let you bleed to death on the floor." He straightened his posture and turned away. _

_The man chuckled. "You're not the first person to say that, actually."_

_Blue paused, but didn't turn around. "You left us out there to die. And then watched Hyperion get blown to bits so your friends could take another shot at us."_

_"I cannot ever atone for the thousands who died on Hyperion."_

_Blue shut his eyes and tried not to remember being there, seeing the moon explode with so many--_

_"I know you lost your family," the representative from the Orbital Security Council said in a quiet voice. "I knew your father--"_

_"Good." Blue opened the door to exit the room. _

_"'Cuz I didn't."_

A low hum reached his ears. He had walked out into the open - the back hallway had fed into a longer corridor that ran somewhere near the cafeteria. Not much of the layout of the ship had changed, mostly repairs had been made, and unfinished areas had been completed. The graffiti had been scrubbed off the walls, more lights had been installed.

Every place he went seemed too bright. _There aren't as many places to hide._

"I've come for my return match, Blue!" A voice cried out from somewhere behind him.

Blue stopped. It was only a matter of time before he ran into some idiot or another wanting to fight. "Is that an order?"

"So what if it is?"

_Hn__. I know that voice. _Blue whirled around to face that insolent child, Yuki Aiba. "I don't take orders from nobody."

"Is that right?" The dark-haired younger brother of the weird guy, Kouji, shook his fist and assumed a wide stance. "You sure like to give orders for someone who doesn't like to take 'em."

Blue snarled.

"You ain't got your gun this time, neither, tough guy."

"I never needed one to kick your ass."

Yuki rushed at him. The kid threw the momentum of his entire body behind his right cross. But Blue easily stepped aside. He counter slammed his right knee into his opponent's stomach. The younger boy stumbled forward, the breath knocked out of him.

"I'm not done with you," Airs said.

"I'm…I'm not…" The dark-haired kid heaved for air. "I'm not done with you, either." Yuki spun around and immediately lashed out. Blue blocked the punch and dodged the second attack. But the former pilot of the Ryvius's Vital Guarder robot was all anger and instinct - and he was already winded from Blue's attack.

Airs found the hole in Yuki's guard and struck. His fist connected with Aiba's cheekbone and the boy staggered back. Blue delivered a roundhouse kick to his opponent's chest, and Yuki was down for the count.

Airs peered down at his fallen opponent and smirked. "I haven't had a good fight in months."

Aiba gulped small puffs of air. Bruises were already starting to form on his right cheekbone, reminiscent of the old days. He lay staring straight up; scattered pieces of broken dishes and trays dotted the metal floor around him.

"Yeah?"

"Since you lost, you get to do me a favor." Blue reached up to untie his bandana. "I don't care if you do it personally or if you get that brother of yours to deliver it." He dropped it over Yuki's chest. The maroon fabric fell in a slight arc and ended up on the former Vital Guarder pilot's face.

"You know who to deliver it to." Blue started off in the direction he had come from - back to the dark recesses of the ship.

"You want me to give it to Juli, right?"

Airs flinched but continued walking.

"Why don't you deliver it yourself? Are you that afraid of her? That she'll reject you?"

Blue stuffed his hands in his pockets but didn't turn around.

"What kind of a coward are you?"

* * *

_The feeling was surreal. Thousands upon thousands of people gathered on Saturn in a special ceremony - to honor those who died on Hyperion. _

_I didn't want to go. My father and I hadn't spoken since he'd given me the news I'd be going to Liebe Delta._

"You're going to go, and you're going to make me proud, do you understand me?" His father stabbed his pointer finger into the desk.

Blue crossed his arms over his chest and glared back at the old man. "I don't take orders from you."

_Make him proud…That's a laugh. I knew it wasn't ever going to happen. If I had turned out like that loser Lucson or that crème puff Charlie, maybe he would have been proud to have me as his son. As it was, there was no room in his pocket planner for a delinquent like me. _

_And I gave up on him a long time ago._

_The loss of my family, the loss of Hyperion - my home - should have been…something to me. Something more than the loss of my chance to show my father who was going to give the orders from now on._

_But it wasn't. All those people died. My family. My brothers. _

_I felt nothing._

"I wanted power. I wanted revenge. Against my siblings that exiled me. Against every person who did nothing but order me around. But all of that's gone blank. There's only one thing left for me: Juli Bahana."

_She came to the memorial service. I can still remember the look on her face - she mourned when I could not. She cried the tears I owed those people._

_And she never saw me._

_I am the worst kind of coward, Yuki Aiba. I'm too afraid to let myself feel anything._

_Even for Juli Bahana._


	2. To Be Near You

**_And Also Love_**

_by the Black Rose_

**AN: **This is the 2nd of 3 chapters total. Currently, this idea is giving birth to baby plot bunnies, so a _second_ Ryvius fanfic may happen in the future. For now, it's my intent to complete this story, and then see what else comes up.

In the meantime, it is my mission to infect all my friends with Ryvius and drag them into writing Blue x Juli fanfiction cue evil laughter (I think it's working so far wink). Thanks to all my fellow Infinite Ryvius fans who took the time to read this. Much love, Rose.

PS - The first 2 paragraphs are again, Neya's POV. Thanks for reading!!!

**_To be Near You_**

_E__motions are brilliant, dazzling colors. I can feel them; I can name them, but this time, they seem different. Many of the colors have changed. Like how light blue becomes navy, or purple becomes lavender - they are still the same hues with as much intensity as before. But different. _

_The colors no longer seek to overwhelm the others just to live. Instead, these feelings strike a certain harmony inside me. There is still sadness. There is still fear. But more than last time, there is excitement, longing, friendship, camaraderie, peace…_

_And also love. _

"Our first mission is to the Uranus region." Juli trudged down the hallway to her room after a long shift on the Ryvius's bridge. Her steps echoed against the metal floor, her heels scraping the surface as she walked.

"That's where our last mission ended." She turned the corner and entered the corridor that led to the officer's quarters. "And the last time I saw him."

_Her grip tightened on his bandana. "I want you to stay here with me."_

_Blue turned around and leveled that ice-cool glare directly at her. "Is that an order?_

She sighed and entered the passcode to raise the door. The panel slid open and she stepped inside.

The room was gigantic. Metal floors covered in tan, short-haired carpet met metal walls painted flat ivory. It was a somewhat sad attempt at something considered 'homey', but the Orbital Security Bureau had at least tried. And compared to the last time they were onboard the Ryvius, it was a palace - or maybe it just seemed that way since Juli didn't have to share it with two other girls.

_And Pat._

Her heart thumped and then fell into her stomach.

_He has his mom, and he's just too young right now._

_But then again…aren't we?_

Juli pulled the dress off the hanger and slipped it over her head; she secured the halter strap at the base of her neck. Silky emerald fabric slid easily down her body and then over her hips to stop at her ankles. She peered at herself in the mirror; her hair down, it flowed over her shoulders.

_The door shushed open and she heard him step onto the bridge. "Aren't you attending the party?" Blue's voice sounded mocking._

_"I'm not in the mood for a party right now," she said and stood up. Juli pressed the button to reveal the large, flat-panel screen at the front of the bridge. _

_"Take a look at this monitor, the Vital Guarder's battle caused such damage on Mars it likely affected its axis. Come on, you're a pretty intelligent guy, Blue, you must have known that this damage was a real possibility, and yet you--"_

_His hand tore the tie from her hair. _

_"Wear this when you go to the party." Blue dropped a lump of fabric on the desk._

_"But I'm not--"_

_"That's an order."_

"I was such a fool, then. I didn't realize…" Juli sat down and picked up her brush. She ran it a few times through her hair. "Well. I still don't know how you felt about me, or if you remember me at all. But I'd like to think that at least, when you gave me this dress…." She stared down at the brush in her lap. "That maybe, you felt something for me. Even for just a little while."

She placed the brush back on her desk and closed her eyes.

_"Will you participate in the beauty pageant, Juli?"_

_"Me?"_

_"Someone anonymous nominated you."_

Juli laid her head down on her arms on top of her desk. She opened her eyes and stared at the metal wall. "I felt beautiful that night. I can even admit, now, that I would have liked it if you had gone with me. Though at the time, I still thought I hated you." She sat up and glanced at her reflection in the mirror again.

"Why? Why do I feel this way about you?" She let out a long breath. "Why can't I get you out of my thoughts for even a moment? The whole time we were away from the Ryvius, I couldn't get you off my mind." Juli stared down at the countertop. "But I couldn't find you, either."

_The cathedral brimmed with hundreds, probably thousands of people. It would be hard to locate him in the crowd, but certainly the son of a government official would have a special place at the ceremony. Not that seeing him was the only reason she was here…_

_"I don't know what kind of relationship you had with your family; you said enough that I suspect it wasn't always a close one, but still… It's your family, and I want to be here to pay my respects."_

_Her eyes scanned the crowd as the pastor came up to speak to the congregation. And still, the telltale blue hair belonging to the son of Hyperion's Vice-Minister of Defense was nowhere to be found._

She shook her head, then picked up the brush to run a few more strokes through her hair.

_Airs Blue… I just want to know where you are. If you're all right. _

_I'm sure you're--_

"Ju-uli." A sharp knock sounded at the door to accompany the familiar, pompous voice. "Can I come in?"

"Oh. Lucson." She stood up and crossed the room to open the door. The panel slid up to reveal the Ryvius captain. "Of course."

He wore a dark-colored suit to match his deep-brown hair and eyes. He was a good four inches shorter than her, but broad-shouldered and, in an other lifetime, handsome. "I thought we could go together to the party." He rubbed the back of his head with his left hand. "I know it's not a good idea for fellow Zwei members or crew to date, but--"

Juli stepped out into the hallway. "I'm sure we can stick to just being friends, Lucson."

The muscles around his eyes sagged.

"F-for the good of the ship," she said and gave him a smile.

"Of course. For the good of the ship." He nodded as if to emphasize the words, but he still looked disappointed.

She leaned forward and hugged him. It took a moment for Lucson to respond, but his arms came up to wrap around her back.

"I know you care about me, Lucson. And I'm grateful. You were always there for me - as my friend. And my mentor."

"Juli…" His voice was low and flat.

She drew away. "But I 'm afraid if I don't tell you how I feel, you'll only end up being hurt worse."

"I know you don't feel that way about me. I can face that."

"I love you, Lucson. As a friend."

He visibly winced. "I understand. But tell me. Tell me you're over that hooligan, Juli. You're better than that." He shook his head. "You're better than him."

"Thank you for being concerned." She glanced up and met his gaze. "As for 'that hooligan', if you're referring to Airs Blue, then I'm afraid--"

"Don't." He glanced away. "I can understand, but I don't have to accept it. You could still change your mind and fall in love with me." He put his hands on his hips and took up his captain's stance. "Especially after you see how dashing I am as captain of this ship."

Juli giggled.

"I'm serious." Lucson stuck out his lower lip in a small pout and dropped his pose.

"I know." She took his arm and steered him towards the center of the hallway. "And I would be very honored to be escorted to the party by the captain of the Ryvius."

* * *

Dark green satin hugged Juli's figure in absolutely all the right places. She showed up at the party wearing the dress Blue had given her. It hadn't been anything special, just something Crif had been willing to part with at the time - but she made the dress look anything but hand-me-down. It seemed almost as if it had been made just for her. 

She looked like a woman in that dress - not the soldier she pretended to be in her Zwei uniform, and definitely not the girl she maybe still wanted to be when she wore that ridiculous, pink jumpsuit with the red heart on the front.

_Probably a virgin._

Blue leaned back against the wall. Shadows overtook the lighting in this corner of the room, and he figured it would obscure most partygoers' view. It was where he belonged. Everyone else mingled in the center of the room. Crowds of regular, normal people who hadn't carried the burden he had faced. He'd seen far too many of them before, but didn't really know their names.

In his mind, with his eyes closed, he saw her in that dress.

_"What are you doing?" Her face was red; her eyes swam with tears. "Why would you broadcast that to the entire ship?"_

_"I figured people would want to know." He continued to face the front monitor and contented himself with watching her out of the corner of his eye._

_She stepped forward. "But the students were having a good time for once." She continued to approach him. "Couldn't you have spared them until tomorrow? Discussed this with--"_

_He turned to face her. "This isn't fantasy-land. And the people onboard ceased to be students when all the instructors died. I ain't here to protect them from reality. They should have to deal with it like the rest of us." He bent over the control station and flipped the switch to raise the screen. _

_The bridge was quiet except for the sound of the motor raising the panel. It was his fault the Orbital Security Council was calling them terrorists. At least, she would blame him – if she didn't already. He should have known the Vital Guarder could cause that kind of damage…_

_"But it just--"_

_"Dammit!" He clutched the controls tighter. "Why did they have to call us terrorists? It doesn't matter what I do—"_

_"Don't start doubting yourself, now." Her voice sounded quieter than before._

_He released the controls and stood up. _

_"This job isn't so easy, and most people couldn't do it." She came another step closer. "Most people would have already crumbled by now. But, as much as I disagree with your methods, you're a strong person, Blue."_

_Something clutched at his throat and he had to swallow to loosen its hold. His eyes burned in the light, and he had to close them. _

_"I…I don't think we'd have made it this far without you." He felt her hand on his forearm, and the air in the room turned cold._

_"Hm." He exhaled the word. "Spoken by someone who hates me, and wanted to be rescued by now; that doesn't sound like much of a compliment." He wrenched his arm from her grip and turned away. "Go back to your room."_

_"I don't hate you."_

_He snarled. "Of course you do. All you Zwei members. You hated me before I took over this ship, even after I rescued your guys from the instructor with the hostage. And where--"_

_"I didn't know you before." Her voice sounded soft, and was he imagining…a bit regretful?_

_"I…don't feel like I really know you, now; but I don't hate you. I've never hated you." _

Airs opened his eyes and found her again in real life. A chandelier sparkled overhead – one of the new additions to the cafeteria. Guys turned to stare wherever Juli went; she seemed to blush beneath the weight of their eyes.

_Definitely a virgin._

Blue watched as that ninny Lucson placed his hand on her back - an area that Airs knew was bare skin. Juli glanced at him over her shoulder with lowered lashes and a slight smile; she didn't pull away.

Blue snarled. "I hate that guy."

_"You're planning to go to your father and give him the Ryvius as a gift." She glared up at him. Her eyes flashed blue-green in the light._

_He shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not."_

_"Did you plan this?"_

_"Don't be ridiculous." He stepped around her to continue the trek to his room._

_"How many people have lost their lives?" Her hands clenched into fists. "I will never forgive you for this. I won't!"_

Blue dug both hands into his hair, and fell back against the wall. _Why can't I get her out of my head? _He gasped for air, and felt his chest heave with the effort. Airs shut his eyes again, but she was there, too.

_"But all of that has gone blank."_

_Shut up._

_"There's only one thing left for me."_

_Shut up!_

_"Juli…"_

_No! STOP IT! _

_"Bahana."_

_Why?_

Blue banged his head back against the metallic partition. He brought his hands down and slammed his right fist into the wall.

_Why? I don't understand._

Her laugh bubbled over the noise of the party; he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling.

"…was more than responsibility. There were…people I cared about…" Bits of conversation floated across the room and wriggled into his ears.

Blue stood up from the wall. She was in the center of a small crowd - some, he recognized, others he didn'tHer eyes glanced from Lucson to someone else in her immediate vicinity. More joined their circle, while some others who had been standing awhile left.

_I shouldn't have bothered. _

The room moved in a blur and he found himself standing in front of the door to the hallway. Airs threw a last glance over his shoulder. Juli smiled and nodded as someone spoke to her in an excited tone. He turned away.

Blue stepped out of the room and into the darker, cooler air of the hallway.

_I don't belong here._

* * *

Light swam around the room; the chandeliers swayed slightly in the path of the centralized ventilation ducts. Juli craned her neck and glanced from face to face, but… _He's not here. I guess I shouldn't have expected him to be._

"Would you care to dance, Juli?" Lucson offered a stiff bow.

Juli brought her attention back to her 'date'. "Ummm, of course, Lucson."

He took her hand.

"And then after this dance, I think I'm going to go back to my room." She bit her lip and glanced away. "I'm very tired."

She felt Lucson lean closer. "I'd be happy to walk you back, Juli."

"Oh." She took a half-step back and met his gaze. "You really don't have to." Juli tried to smile. "And besides, the captain should stay until the end."

Lucson grinned. "You're probably right." Lucson pulled her out onto the makeshift dance floor and slid one arm around her waist.

His cologne smelled crisp and clean, and his hand felt warm around hers. Juli struggled against his effort to bring her closer. "Lucson…"

He relaxed his arm. "I'm…I'm sorry."

A soft, slow melody floated up into her ears; as she glanced around, Juli saw several couples embrace and begin to sway in their own, fairly chaste, declarations of affection. She looked at Lucson, but couldn't meet his gaze.

The Ryvius captain stepped to one side and then forward, to begin leading them in a dance. It was only slightly more than swaying, and he wasn't very adept at it, but then again, she hadn't had much experience herself.

"You. You look really beautiful tonight, Juli." Warm brown eyes peered up at her; his face appeared flushed.

"Thank you, Lucson."

"Do…do you think--"

Cool air hit her skin, and she felt beads of perspiration at her hairline. "Lucson…"

"Do you think I'll do a good job as captain this time?" His brow furrowed into deep lines. "I…I know I made some mistakes last time around."

A lead weight dropped off her chest. "We all did the best we could under the circumstances. I don't think anyone blames you for what went wrong."

"I know. But do you think--"

"You'll do a great job as captain, Lucson. I'm sure of it." She gave him a smile. His whole face lit up in response.

"Thanks, Juli. It means a lot to--"

"Hey!" A loud voice interrupted, and Lucson's embrace relented. Their dance ground to a halt.

"I'm cuttin' in."

A red shirtsleeve held Lucson's arm away from her body. The captain turned, and Juli caught sight of the dark-haired, scowling Yuki Aiba. He appeared to be the one responsible for pulling the appendage off Juli's waist and was using it as leverage to repel the captain of the Ryvius away.

"Excuse me, but I am--"

"You heard me. I'm cuttin' in." The dark-haired boy grabbed Juli's hand and pulled her into his own loose embrace. He spun her away from Lucson and towards the far end of the dance floor.

"Uhhhh. I uh…didn't know you--" Juli's head swam a bit with Yuki's faster-paced movements. And all that spinning.

"Yeah. I'm not here to dance." His eyes roamed over the room, but would occasionally dart back to her face. "I was asked to give you something." He released her hand, and reached behind him. Juli couldn't keep the beat he had started after he let go. He grabbed her again, and slowed down their pace.

"Wh-what is it?"

He hugged her close, his right hand let go of her left, and then he pushed her away again. Yuki pressed a thick piece of cloth into her palm. Her heart pounded in her ears.

Juli glanced at the fabric in her hand; it was dark maroon in color, and… She pulled her fingers from Yuki's grasp.

"Where? Where did you get this?"

Yuki pulled her back into their dancing position. This time, he held her closer. "He gave it to me." His voice was deep and low – like they were discussing something highly secretive.

"When?" She tried to twist from his grip, but he held her tight.

"A few hours ago."

She stopped dancing and tried to push Yuki away. "He's here? He's onboard the Ryvius?"

"Yeah." He spoke into her ear. Little shivers ran up and down her spine. "Keep dancing."

He began to sway with her pressed tightly against him. Juli gazed up into his face, but Yuki wouldn't look at her.

"There's something you're not telling me."

He scowled. "You shouldn't get your hopes up. That's not why I delivered this to you." The music swelled around them, and he finally met her eyes. "I lost the fight, fair and square, but I'm going to beat him next time."

"I…I don't understand." _Why would Blue give Yuki his bandana? _

"He didn't say who to give it to - just to deliver the message. He may be trying to say he's watching you Zwei members, I don't know."

"Oh." She looked down at his chest. Where his shirt was unbuttoned, she caught a glimpse of the musculature beneath it.

_She found herself looking directly at the skin above his collarbone; Blue had her caged against the wall, and he was so close she could see the day-old stubble on his chin, and smell the faintest trace of woodsy cologne. "And stop wearing that uniform around." _

"So, don't go thinking it means something and then get your feelings hurt." Yuki's voice sounded harsh, almost like he was barking an order at her.

_"Wear this when you go to the party. That's an order."_

Her head shot up, but Yuki had stopped looking at her. Lines formed around his eyes and crevices dug into his forehead.

"That's not why I agreed to deliver it."

"I…" His hold on her was rigid, uncompromising. _So much like…_ "I understand." She relaxed into his embrace.

"Good. So, now that that's settled, do you want me to get rid of that annoying guy for you?" His voice rumbled in his chest; the sensation felt strange against her ear.

"Who?" She raised her head. "Lucson?"

"Yeah." Yuki still wasn't looking at her.

"No, he's mostly harmless."

"Mostly." His voice grew angry, and his grip on her waist tightened. "I can't stand him, and I know Airs Blue can't either. If he wants to stay alive--"

"He should leave me alone?"

The music stopped. Yuki dropped his arms and pulled away. "Remember what I told you, and don't…" He spun on one heel and turned to go. "Don't get hurt."

"Thank you."

He paused, glanced at her over his left shoulder and nodded. Then Yuki Aiba disappeared into the crowd.


	3. To Understand Love

**_And Also Love  
_**by the Black Rose

AN: I mimicked the style of the anime, when it would have Neya (she's not human, btw, she's the human representation of the Ryvius's navigation system, and she reads people's thoughts and emotions) sort of narrating the emotions of students on board.

In the scene with just Juli and Neya, when Neya is talking at first, she is voicingJuli's thoughts and emotions - similar to the 'conversation'Neya had with Blue (only in novelized form).

In the scene between Juli and Blue, the italicized words are in Neya's voice as she 'interjects' into our narrative how the characters both feel. It's a back and forth, so one line isBlue's and the next is Juli's – very similar to the episode where Kouji and Aoi finally discover their feelings for one another, and Neya narrates by speaking their thoughts. That's what I went for, anyway. I hope that it makes a fair amount of sense. If it doesn't, please email me or comment with any questions. Thanks for reading! Love, Rose

**_

* * *

To Understand Love_**

Juli pressed the maroon cloth against her chest, and fought back tears. Her breath came in short, winded gasps, and her feet throbbed in her high-heeled shoes. The back hallway was deserted and dimly lit, but she couldn't remember how she had reached it. After Yuki left, the room had blurred and so did everything else.

_Where are you?_

She bent her head and sagged back against the wall. The metal felt cool against her bare skin.

_"I'll never forgive you for this. I won't!"_

_He turned and looked down at her - his expression wasn't angry, like she expected. Rather… Rather…_

I can't stand you. So then why… 

_Blue glanced away. He took another step to move passed her, then stopped; he didn't bother to look back. "I don't know if Hyperion's government will take us in."_

_"What? What are you--"_

_"The Vice-Minister of Defense won't exactly be happy to see that I'm still alive." His voice sounded flat, distant. She didn't think she had ever heard him be anything else except aloof or angry._

_"How can you possibly expect me to believe that? He's your father!"_

_He turned to glare at her over his left shoulder. "And maybe that's a discussion you should have with him."_

_Now, he was angry. She could see it in the deep-set scowl and the tight line of his mouth. She lowered her gaze to the floor. "I…I'm sorry."_

_"Don't give me your pity."_

_"It's not pity. I'm sorry, about what I said before." She looked up; he was facing her again. "But I don't understand…If you don't think they'll take us in…"_

_He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "You want to be rescued, don't you?"_

_She met his gaze for just a moment and felt her cheeks warm. "Of course, don't you?"_

_He shrugged and turned his head. "I'm not worth saving."_

_"You--"_

_"You were always the one that wanted to be rescued."_

_"Me and everyone else on the Ryvius."_

_"I don't care about people who can't help themselves."_

_"If that's what you believe…" She took a step towards him. "… then why--"_

_He turned his back to her again. "You're a smart girl. You'll figure it out." _

Juli clutched his bandana in both hands and slid down the wall to land on the floor. She brought her knees up and buried her face in her hands. "Airs Blue."

"I was always alone." A feminine monotone sounded from the far end of the darkened hallway.

"I had to prove to people that I was good enough."

Juli glanced up and saw the platinum-blond sphix materialize from the wall of the ship. Her outlandish, metallic-purple outfit seemed to gather light even in the shadows.

"I had to convince them I was strong." Neya locked her gaze on a point in the distance as she paced towards Juli; her voice and her words continued in an even, rhythmic sound.

"But the truth is. I've been afraid. Knowing you. I knew real strength and courage.

"And I believed in you." Neya stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned to focus on Juli. The physical incarnation of the Ryvius's navigational system stared with glassy eyes, and it was like she didn't see the girl curled up on the floor, even as she voiced Juli's thoughts as clearly as if Juli was saying them herself.

"You make me believe I can be strong. I need you. I want you to stay with me."

Juli felt something trickle down her cheek. "Please…"

"I want you to be by my side." Neya's voice continued.

The assistant captain of the Ryvius pressed her face into the cloth she held in her hands. "Please stop."

"But most of all, I want to be with you." The monotone seemed to soften, and she spoke the sentence again with some inflection. "I want to be with you."

"I've never felt these feelings. I've never been…"

"It hurts…. Please stop." Her voice was weak against the tidal wave of feeling that was pouring out of the strange girl's mouth. It was like the sphix took a knife and spilled the entire contents of Juli's heart on the floor.

"I love you. Airs Blue." The words echoed down the metallic hallway.

Juli rested her forehead against her knees and cried.

* * *

_It hurts to face it, and yet all that time…_ Juli gasped for air against the sobs that tried to force the breath from her body. _I knew…it took me so long to face the fact that I cared. But it was more than that. And he--_

"You're crying." Neya's voice always sounded calm, logical, unconcerned.

Juli wiped her eyes and glanced up at the sphix. "Yes."

"Are you hurt?" The girl asked; she remained standing. "Do you need a doctor?"

"I'm not physically injured. I just…" Juli took a deep breath and brushed away fresh tears. "Feelings like this can be painful. Especially when they're ones I'm…I'm afraid of."

"Yes, I know! That's why. That's why I wanted to see you." The strange girl's face lit up.

"To see…me?"

"Yes! I wanted to approach you before, before the period of isolation. I felt strange emotions from you. Many times, I could sense your feelings, your fear, your strength. But there is one emotion inconsistent with the others. And I do not yet understand it."

Juli nodded.

"Of all the colors of emotions, the strongest is the one to survive. Humans fight and yearn to live, to keep living, to keep from dying. Sadness, pain, longing, fear, all of these support their will to survive.

"But there is one that does not, and it is stronger at times than even the desire to live. It takes many forms and has its own spectrum of colors. Between two people with much in common. Between two people who desire each other. Between the two brothers who carry much anger, but beneath it, they still care. Between two strangers who know what it's like to be abandoned. Between two people who are strong on the surface but are still afraid of being hurt.

"This emotion can be selfless and selfish at the same time. I want to be with you. I want you to only be with me. I don't want to be hurt. I want you to live. I'll fight for you. I forgive you. I want to protect you. I'd give my life for you.

"It defeats the will to survive. It causes people to take risks that defy reason and logic, that counter self-preservation. I don't understand what it is, and yet when I feel it, I know exactly what it is.

"It is love."

Juli leaned her head back against the wall. "Love. Is…hard to explain."

Neya gasped and a smile appeared on her features. "I knew it! But you love him, don't you?"

The sub-captain felt a shiver run up her spine. "Yes."

"Why? What makes you love him?"

Juli closed her eyes. "There's no reason. It…it just is. There's something about him - his strength, his loneliness that I can identify with." She felt her heart twist in her chest. "But it's more than that. I want…to feel his arms around me, to hear his voice tell me he cares. And I want to, I want to hold him, to share his pain, to tell him he's loved." More tears escaped and ran down her cheeks.

"Ooooh."

Juli opened her eyes and climbed to her feet. "Neya, can you find him on this ship?"

The sphix shook her head. "I cannot. But he is here. And he thinks of you. I catch glimpses of your name or your likeness, and I know it's him - thinking of you. Remembering you." She clutched her arms around her body and shivered. "But his emptiness leaves a hole inside me, and I cannot fill it. I feel hollow, I feel pain."

"But you're just--"

Neya bowed her head. "I know what it is to be alone. When all the people on board the Ryvius left, I was alone. The men that came to repair the ship, they were cold, mechanical, I could not feel their colors. So I sat in darkness. Waiting." She fell back against the opposite wall still holding her sides. "I was lonely. I was sad.

"What point is there to surviving in darkness? I called out to Kouji Aiba and the others, but no one came. For a long time." She looked back at Juli.

"There is pain in loneliness. Pain with no color. Only…despair. You understand this, Juli Bahana."

"Yes, I do," Juli said.

Neya nodded. "So do I."

* * *

****Juli gripped the bandana tight in her hand as her arms pumped back and forth at her sides. She sped down the hallways, turning corners and pushing people out of the way. _I was always alone._

She threw open the door to the cafeteria and yelled: "Airs Blue!"

The remaining partygoers turned to stare, and she could feel their eyes scorching her skin. Juli's eyes searched the room, but she saw no one with a mane of blue hair and small scar on his cheek.

_I had to prove to people that I was good enough. I had to convince them I was strong._

She spun on her heel and ran back out of the room. "Where are you?"

_But the truth is. I've been afraid. _

She paused at every dark corner; peered in every nook. And throughout the back corridors of the ship, she called out his name: "Airs Blue!"

_I need you. I want to be with you._

She felt a waft of air hit her back and spun around. Shadows melted and reformed into darkness. There was a time, when it wouldn't have been safe for her to be here alone.

"I'm not going to give up. I'll stay here until I find you - and I don't care if it takes hours, days, or weeks - you're going to talk to me!"

"Is that an order?" His deep voice sounded from somewhere just behind her.

Juli swallowed and her left hand came up to her chest - it still held his bandana. "Yes, it is."

He shoved her from behind; she pitched forward, both arms shot out to catch her before she hit the wall of the corridor. Blue grabbed her left arm and spun her around. He pinned her against the metal partition - one hand held her wrist, the other was planted palm side down on the wall, not far from her waist. He leaned close and she breathed a small sigh of relief to see his face, to feel his touch and know he was real.

"I don't take orders from you."

She raised her chin and stared him straight in the eye. "I know you don't really want me to be afraid of you."

Blue narrowed his gaze. "You don't know me."

"I…I do, though. Maybe not everything. But I don't believe you enjoy hurting people."

He snarled at her and she felt his grip tighten around her wrist. Juli hissed at the pain.

"Please….You're hurting me."

His face changed: his eyes widened from their hateful gaze and the lines around his mouth tightened his lips into a grimace. He looked disgusted for a moment, and then he was glaring at her again. His grasp grew tighter. "There goes your theory."

Juli winced and her eyelids clamped shut. "All the times I asked you not to hurt people or do violence, I…I wasn't asking for their sake." She opened her eyes again. "Just like I'm not asking you now for my own."

He let go of her arm with a grunt; it fell to her side. Blue placed his free hand against the wall beside her head.

"It hurts you." She brought her right arm up and rested her fingers gently on his elbow. He flinched and glanced down at where she touched him. "It kills a little more of you to act that hard, to be that tough."

He shoved away from the wall and stood up. "What do you know?"

"Blue, I…."

He turned his back to her, reminding her of a stone wall - tall, resilient… She imagined his skin would feel like cold stone as well. He was, had become over his lifetime, the equivalent of polished granite - hard, strong, the coarse areas that exposed his emotions had been worn, scraped, and pounded smooth, then sealed inside.

"I know what it's like to be alone. To feel…abandoned."

His shoulders hitched, and his head rose to stare, she could tell, straight ahead.

"M-my parents died when I was very young. I never knew them. I never had a family, or brothers and sis--"

"You were better off. You didn't have a father to always call you a screw up, or siblings to blame you for things that weren't your fault."

"I don't think so. I-I've always wanted--"

He whirled around. "They sent me to boarding school after boarding school. Anything to keep me out of the way." His eyes flashed, and every muscle in his face and neck strained against his skin. "You don't need people like that. And I stopped needing anyone a long time ago."

"I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean…." She tried to say anything right, but her voice kept sticking in her throat. He looked so angry…

"I just wanted you to know, that I understand your--"

"Why were you at the Hyperion memorial?" He shouted at her.

She cringed. "I was there…to pay my respects for your family. And I--"

"I don't need your pity." Blue stopped looking at her then. He turned his head and scowled at the darkened corridor.

Heat rose up from her stomach and burned its way through her chest. "It's not pity! I don't feel--"

"They hated me. That's why they sent me here, there, to Liebe Delta." Blue's lip curled up into a snarl and he practically spit out the words. "He gave up on boarding schools and paid to get rid of me another way, because he was ashamed. So don't feel sorry for them or for me."

"Airs, I don't feel sorry for you." She took a shaking breath. "I…I care about you."

He threw his head back and laughed. The sound was tinny and hollow as it echoed throughout the hallway.

Tears sprung to her eyes and she had to fight them back. "I don't see what's funny about that. I--"

He turned back around and came towards her. He put his hands flat on the wall to either side of her shoulders and leaned close. "How can you care about someone who's a criminal?"

"I don't believe that. And you telling me that won't--"

"Isn't there something in the Zwei code of conduct about associating with delinquents?" His voice was low, and deep; he let his gaze rest on her chest before dragging his eyes up to lock with hers.

Her stomach turned over.

"Your perfect attendance record might get marred." A smug smile played on his lips.

"Don't make fun of me."

He pounded his fist against the wall. "Don't give me orders."

"I'm not giving you orders! Why can't you accept what I'm saying to you?" Her fingers gripped the sleeves on his jacket. "Are you that determined to live your life alone, with no one to care about you?" Her throat burned and her face was wet with tears. "Why can't you believe that I love you?" She gasped and brought a hand up to her mouth.

Blue stared at her. "Because no one ever has."

"Blue…"

He turned away. "Don't give me your sympathy. It makes me sick."

"Then what will you let me give you?"

"Nothing. I don't need charity. Go back to your captain and your good-girl life. You don't belong in the dark with me."

Juli brought a hand up to rest on his shoulder. "You don't belong here, either."

"Like I said, you don't know me." He shrugged out of her grip and began moving down the hall. First, one step. Then another. It was like he was moving in slow motion.

Fear caught her heart in its grip. "Airs Blue, don't you dare leave. Or I'll--"

He stopped several feet away. "Or you'll what?"

_"You're a smart girl. You'll figure it out."_

She swallowed against a hard lump in her throat. "Perhaps I will go back to Lucson and my good-girl life. Maybe I'll--"

Blue reeled around and stomped back towards her. He grabbed her shoulders and shoved her back against the wall. Pain was momentary as the movement more caught her off guard than really hurt.

"Do you know how I got this scar?" He growled. "Do you know the things I've done? I've killed before." He ducked his head and half-turned away. "I've caused people to die."

"So have I. When I was captain, after you left, it was my fault people died on board this ship. It's something I struggled with, but I've had to accept. It doesn't mean you have to keep punishing yourself."

"It was my fault they killed all those people. My home…"

"But you're still alive." Juli drew close to him. He glanced down; her eyes locked with his.

Blue started to lean closer; Juli's heart pounded loudly in her ears. She felt some force between them magnify, and her head felt light.

He stopped and stepped back; Blue shoved his hands in his pants pockets and bowed his head. '_I don't want to be hurt.'_

She moved forward, and grabbed his elbow. "Blue…" She ducked her head to peer up at his face. '_I don't want you to go.'_

_'I don't belong.' _He looked away.

_'I just want you to accept me.' _Juli moved nearer, and brought one hand up to smooth the hair out of his eyes. "Don't go," she whispered.

_'I don't want to be alone.' _His right hand settled on her waist; she closed her eyes and felt her lips begin to tingle – wanting, waiting for his kiss.

_'I love you.'_

_'I'm afraid of hurting you.'_

Juli peeled her eyelids open at the same time he released her. "Why?" She saw him turn away. '_I want to be with you.'_

_'I don't want to be hurt.'_

She placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned into his back. "Please…" '_I love you.'_

_'I'm not good enough for you.'_

_'Please stay with me.' _Juli wrapped both arms around him from behind and just held him.

_'I can't escape you. You're on my mind all the time.'_

_'I know you've been hurt.'_

Blue jerked out of her grasp. He turned around to face her. '_It hurts to stay away from you.' _

_'I want to try.' _She raised her eyes to meet his, but his were closed.

Hard lines dug into his features, around his mouth and in the exposed skin of his forehead. Blue opened his eyes and looked at her. Her heart jumped into her throat.

The lines of his face softened and he stepped closer. Juli brought her palm up to his cheek. '_I don't want to hurt.' _

_'I love you.'_

She stood on tiptoe to nibble at his bottom lip. He drew in a breath; his hands remained at his sides. Juli felt her heart fall; she pulled away.

_'I want to… be with you.' _Blue bent forward and caught her lips in a rough kiss. One arm wound around her back and pressed her tight against him. His kiss and his embrace were harsh and bruising, but it was him… Holding her, telling her in his own way he cared for her. And as hard as it was to--

Blue broke away. She stepped forward and hugged him. Juli laid her head on his chest and listened to the sound of his heart. It was fast, but it was strong, and maybe he wasn't made purely of cold stone after all. His hands came up to rest on her shoulders. She let out a sigh and just continued to hold him. "I love you."

She felt his grip tighten on her shoulders.

"Don't." His low voice had turned almost to a whisper.

The way he said that made her heart cry. She felt its tears on her cheek. "I love you."

He leaned forward until his forehead rested at the juncture of her shoulder and her neck. She moved her hands to thread through his hair. His arms slid down to grasp her waist.

"Blue…"

She felt his body shudder, and then she was being crushed against him - almost as if he was trying to engulf her completely. Her feet somehow lifted off the ground, and she held on to him for dear life. "I love you." She whispered again, and then she was falling, but he still held her - they ended up both kneeling on the ground.

Juli could feel him breathe, could smell that comforting scent that was so familiar… He trembled and then pushed her backwards. She found herself sitting on the floor with her back against the wall and Airs Blue kneeling over her - his face buried in her neck and holding her like he would never let her go.

* * *

_I still don't understand it, this emotion called love. Its color changes from person to person, though its brilliance never diminishes. _

_I love you. I want to be with you. I want you to stay with me. I forgive you. I want to make you happy. I want to know you. I want to give you my body. I want to show you how much I care. I want you to love me. I don't want to be alone. I need you. I want to be yours. I just want to be close to you. I want to protect you. I never want to be apart from you._

_It is somehow strong and fragile at the same time. It is selfless and yet selfish. It makes sense to those who experience it, and yet they cannot seem to define it. It defies logic and is logical. It is so many contrasts at once, I am awed by its beauty and empty when it's gone._

_I can feel it all around me, and even growing inside me. _

_I don't understand it, and yet, I love…_


End file.
